sorry for making a mess

you broke my heart into so many pieces I can't even count.

one for every promising word that was ever exchanged,
one for every word of love,
one for every conflicting word,
one for every word of sadness,
one for every word of defeat.
A piece for every smile that spread across my face when you would walk into the room.
A piece for every butterfly that fluttered it's delicate wings all around my stomach when I would hear you say my name.
A piece for all of the times your name would appear on my phone screen.
and I didn't think that something that is so easily taken for granted such as the heart could wind up in so many pieces, but here they lay.
down at my feet, covered in all of my salt water tears that I wasn't brave enough to cry out in front of you, because you would say that is immature.
and no matter how many times I try,
or you try,
or I try,
or we try,
or I try to put them back together,
someone is bound to give up.

and you still look at me with those big brown eyes, that are rimmed with a small trace of light blue from your contact lenses that seem to make the brown a little bit richer.

and I wish I could just run away and hide, be placed in a Witness Protection of Lovers and Heartbreak Protection Program, but I'm afraid those don't exist

but 2am is the time for missing people that don't seem to miss you, or maybe they're just better at hiding it than we are,

or maybe I am missing the phone calls that used to come from you at that time.

and I guess that fate just had different plans for us,

and the stars didn't align exactly how I wanted them to,

but I can't just blame fate,

but I can't blame myself either for you falling...

falling for someone else.

but I can blame you.

and you say it isn't fair, 

but neither is not telling me.

not telling me for 3 months.

but I certainly can't blame them,

they don't even know I exist.

and don't you mind that you left me in this state?

it all of the sudden seems nearly impossible for me to have caused this amount of heartbreak for someone,

but here I am,

standing in the wreckage,

while the shards are sinking into the soles of my feet.

and all I can do is pray that over time someone will come and save me and my bleeding fingers that have been trying to piece my heart back together.

but there will always be pieces too small to find where they go.

to small to pick up, or even to see.

my heart will be left with cracks that can only be filled with the stinging memories of you,

the left over pieces, the ones too small to use, to be swept into a dust pan, and thrown away without a second thought, like how they ended up there in the first place.